i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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