just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
