It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
