This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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