Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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