He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
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Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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