i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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