I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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