Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize