i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
