if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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