he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
