just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
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I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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