So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
