This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
