So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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