Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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