and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
