I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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