he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
