So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
