literally had 100 drinks last night.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
