its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I deserve this hangover.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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