How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
