if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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