I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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