I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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