And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
