If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
