Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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