Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
