So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
