i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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