Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
