No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
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okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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