if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Randomize
