I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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