Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
