Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
