u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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