new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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