Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
