Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
