lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
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