Apparently you make a good broom.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
