Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
