Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
