it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
and she was petting her beer can
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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