Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
