I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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