Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
