ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
