Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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