My friends, they love my intelligence
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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