I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
