Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
