After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
