Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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