Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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