You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
