i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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