My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
