Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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