Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
