all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
