I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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