So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
