in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
