I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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