is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Randomize
