I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
