wrigley field is MILF paradise
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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