So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
