If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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