non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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