Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
