Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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