Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
