when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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