i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
