Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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